For the first time.

I like having someone to comfort me when something is wrong, dont get me wrong its nice. But I hate it when they just start layering on all the cute names and complimenting me. It doesnt make me feel better because it makes me feel you are just saying all those things because i’m upset. It makes me question if you really mean it or if youre just saying it to say it.

I miss how everything use to be.

My friends mostly, I think they have moved on, I’m almost certain that they have. We had winter break this week and I only talked to one of them for a brief amount of time. I really did screw myself over. I miss every single one of them so much and I try to make plans with them but they always have something better to do. Its all my fault though… I put all I had into you. I remember when you use to like me more or when we even liked each other the same amount. Its not the case anymore. You’re all talk. STOP saying one thing and doing another. Don’t hold my feelings on a string and cut it whenever you please. I’m sick and tired of getting my hopes up because you say one thing and don’t mean it. You’re just leaving me broken, lonely and without plans because i thought we had them. I’m sick of getting blown off by you and having to brush it off like its no big deal. Obviously you don’t mean it when you say you’re sorry because you keep doing it over and over again like it never happened. Stop saying stuff to try to make me happy if you aren’t going to follow through on it. I hate when you do that. I know it probably shouldn’t hurt me but it really does. I cry every time. The only good thing that comes out of you doing this repeatedly is that I know exactly how my friends must of felt when I did it to them. How rude and inconsiderate I was of their feelings like it was no big deal. They told me I was doing it too, they told me not to make you my everything, and they were right. By the time I actually believed what they were saying, I had already dug myself a deep hole. I’m trying to get out of it, but its hard. I just hope everything will fall back into place, the way it use to be.

Anonymous asked: who are ur best friends ?

best friends would consist of the sleepover gang. I know we might not feel as close this year as we have in the past but they mean the world to me. I know I can count on them for anything. I also am sorry that we all have drifted this year not alot, but some more than others, things change but that doesnt change the value of friendship I have with them. I’m sorry I we dont hang out at much anymore but I would literally do anything for any of you and I hope you all know that.

funny how feelings change…